Tag: a&e
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to the whom’s, whom may find this blog post, informative and or can relate.
currently, i am going through an awakening that is not only eye opening but a lil bat shit. when i say i haven’t slept in over 5 days. i am not in the slightest over exaggerating even though it is fun to do for story telling purposes. i am averaging 3 to 4 hrs a night. the real knee slapper is that it’s only for 30 to 45 mins at a time. so i am hoping you can see the dilema unfolding.
i am a healthcare care worker and have a part time job, i should be exhausted. NAHHHHH… the only thing that soothes me is being in water. when i am in the water i feel ONE, i feel connected. i can almost fall asleep. it’s like it’s my HOME!!! its as almost i can swim away to an underworld only i know the way too. but i am in my bath tub in a 2 bedroom apartment. so i am going to bet that the plumbing doesn’t have access to this mermaid 🧜♀️ underworld i envision and secretly desire.
i do a combi of hot and cold water on and off. and while i am in bliss. i do breathing work and certain yoga poses as i let the water hit my sore spots from lack of sleep. it flows so, like it’s what is needed. i close my eyes and listen to my body and how it wants to move. it feels AMAZING!!! and this high surge of utopia is cut short because then i feel sleepy. then 💥 BAM as sooon as i hit the hay. i am back to where i started like it’s Groundhog Day.
i feel like Goldilocks trying to find the perfect bed as i lay on the couch then venture into my sons bed seeing if his mattress will suffice. this rigid routine has been my nightly ritual since last wednesday.
after the third night of this mystery, that is my life. i entrusted in Google,the task of finding out. what the FUCK is this ABOUT?!?!?!
KUNDALINI AWAKENING popped up in the first 3 pages. for those who aren’t aware, this is a very powerful and intense energy serpent, yeah you read right. serpent, like a snake. so it’s coiled up like a snake in one of our chakras. when this is activated through mediation, yoga, masturbation, i KNOWWWW… come to find out that our orgasm is so powerful that we can use that energy for manifestation. we are all sexual beings. you should know your body better than anyone else. so go masturbate and be one with your sexual self. manifest some shit. think of all your dreams and get comfortable with your body and how you can make YOURSELF FEEL. just make sure you leave the house every now and then.
so i didn’t bring this on myself, i don’t think. i am educated in the subject and know of its power. The Divine has put material regarding this subject in my path for the last two months. i wasn’t being productive enough i guess. The Divine decided i needed a push. so this stage that i am going through now is what they would consider a “darker” stage. since lack of sleep can lead to psychosis, which is a scary state to be in. i am literally shitting my pants. no, honestly the waste that is coming out of me that was stuck somewhere is being released and i feel amazing. i still have a healthy appetite and drink plenty of water.
it’s just going through this process alone with not a soul to relate too, but threads of comments of those who Kundalini Awakened before me. that is what scares me because the lack of sleep has put my muscles in a vice grip. they are screaming and burning on fire. no position is comfortable for too long and then we play that game til the legit Sun ⛅️ comes up, and i eventually surrender and start my day. the fact that i am working a week straight without a day off, is the mood of life. like you hace to laugh 😹. instead i go in lil fits of tears and reasoning.
so back to not having a soul in the physical to relate. i am left explaining why i am randomly doing yoga poses in the break room and meditating outside in the sun in front of coworkers. they don’t seem to mind. but what does it really matter if they do anyway. everyone just looks at me like a weirdo when i start talking this stuff that even i do not understand.
so that is not to say that i am not grateful and blessed. The Universe and The Divine bum rushed me with this awakening, that i wasn’t even prepared for. i am not a fan of surprises and you would think that The Universe and The Creator would be aware of this since i never had a surprise party growing up.
UPDATE: i bought Melatonin last night on break from work. and ended up taking 20mg and even though i still barely slept again. the Melatonin calmed my nerves. this morning getting up wasn’t tooo bad!! even though i am working a week straight without a day off.
i have two more hours left of my shift nursing tonight. please send me some positive sleeping vibes. please and thank YOU!!
UPDATED: 7/12/2022
this awakening wasn’t all that i thought it was. it seems that maybe 🤔 just MAYBE….. someone still has ill feelings towards me and is sending me all this evil eye. after i finally surrendered and begged The Lord Jesus for some insight and a message. i was given the message that this was not Kundalini Awakening like i thought. it was a lost hurt 😞 soul thinking about me enough to create intent so negatively that pushed it on me.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE
be MINDFUL of your THOUGHTS AND INTENTIONS!!!
wish even your enemies, abusers, and accusers, WELL……………………all THE TIME!!
the ENERGY YOU PUT OUT, TRUST you will get back. LIKE ATTRACTS 👍 LIKE!! that is just how the universe works.
POSITIVITY ATTRACTS POSITIVITY!!
negativity attracts NEGATIVITY!!
your thoughts must match what is in your ❤️ heart… mind, body and soul must me IN SYNC. if there is an imbalance, that causes the intention to not be clear!!!!
all of this can be done unintentionally. this means that this soul must have not only a constant but a consistent thought of me to be able to get to my energy.
souls don’t understand the consequences when these things are manifested because if they were even a bit worried about what can come back to get them later, i PRAY 🙏 they would digress.
you can REALLY HURT A SOUL!!
if i wasn’t so heavily backed up by The Divine, The Creator, My Lord and Savior Jesus…. i could honestly see how people think of hurting themselves.
this energy was heavy, dark, nasty, envious, it wanted my mind, body and soul.
whomever was the sender. whether it was intentional or unintentional.
I FORGIVE YOU. I FORGIVE YOU. I FORGIVE YOU.
I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU.
you are deserving of everything that is beautiful in this game called life. you can do wonderful things and empower if you looked within yourself and saw how truly BEAUTIFUL YOU ARE.
YOU ARE ONE OF A KIND!!
give your troubles the Lord and let him handle your heavy heart. do the work required to better yourself so you can break the generational curses that have held you back this far.
BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE!!
it starts with YOU!!!
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the moment i realized how valuable my energy is, was the same moment i started investing in myself. self care is the best care. and i doubled down. all i ever needed was mySELF. faith in mySELF, belief in mySELF, kindness to mySELF and know my worth to mySELF.
i am what is known as a HSP(highly sensitive person, a highly sensitive person (HSP) is someone who is thought to have an increased or deeper central nervous system sensitivity to physical, emotional, or social stimuli. Some refer to this as having sensory processing sensitivity, or SPS for short).
high sensitivity is a personality trait that involves increased responsiveness to both positive and negative influences. social stress is perceived as more taxing to most people than other types of stress. this kind of stress can be particularly difficult for someone who can perceive many different ways that things could go wrong in a conflict, for example, or can perceive hostility or tension where others may not notice it. so in short it’s a curse and a blessing. but i go with the blessing and turn that into my super power. so i changed HSP to mean HEIGHTENED SUPER POWER. the acronym hasn’t been approved yet, so don’t quote me.
i have always been sensitive and also have been told by family, when i was younger that, you guessed it. “you’re too sensitive”. in my younger years it wasn’t hard at all to get me going. ask my brother. he was the epitome of what it is to have a BIG BROTHER. he took all his frustration out on me verbally but when he was hurt, i never turned my back on him. now if that’s not the definition of BROTHERLY LOVE, i don’t know what is. the proverbial joke was always on ME.
so how did i become to be a part of a collective of HSP superhero’s. you guessed it again.
having gone through some darkness made me perceptive. i had a glimpse at a very young age of what the world was really like and who i did not want to be. i knew then, that what happened to me would never happen to anyone i bring into this 🌍 earth.. NAHHHH… not on my watch, NEVAAAA..
The Creator and The Divine Universe had bigger plans for me and instilled in me a resilience you can only dream of. the darker the adversary the stronger i got. but underneath the armor i donned i remained humble and still. as i got older i started to see how i changed around certain people. like some friends made me feel less than or others i would have immense energy around. i was not aware that some were only around to steal my energy, so i wouldn’t feel my self. the others added and or matched my energy. so it intensified. i was always magnetically drawn to my energy matchers. their vibe was my vibe. their flow was my flow.
CHILD HOOD TRAUMA.
as i evolved i realized who was worth my energy. i realized my energy is worth it’s weight in gold. my energy is my SUPER POWER. and it should always be treated as such.
beware of the energy vamps
they are the ones that know the true value of your energy and will suck you dry. just being around them will leave you feeling worthless and depressed. the only way to get a refund on that energy is to cut the cord that attaches you. forgive them…i know, here i go again with that forgiveness bs again. it works gosh darn it, forgive yourself. and love them from afar. you can’t save everyone unfortunately. but you can make a choice to save yourself. just like they had a choice to not be a ENERGY VAMP. but tomato, tomatoe. that’s neither here nor there.
in this world, on this earth we all have a CHOICE. you have to treat your energy like currency. it holds all that is your essence. it holds all your POWER. not everyone is deserving to be in your energy when they don’t appreciate its value. it’s like giving your energy out at a discounted price. your energy is PRICELESS.
i treat my energy like it’s a BASQUIAT one of ones (for those who don’t know who Jean-Michel Basquiat is…his paintings go for over 8million, JayZ has an original in his kitchen, where his kids eat cheerios) i have to sus you out before you can even get an ounce of my energy. i know what my energy is worth and most can’t even afford a milliliter of it.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR ENERGY IS WORTH??
if i were you i would start doing the math. you may need to cut some attachment cords and get your energy refunds A$AP ROCKY.
dear 📔 diary,ᵗᵒ ʷʰᵒᵐ ⁱᵗ ᵐᵃʸ ᶜᵒⁿᶜᵉʳⁿ:…. 