“The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.”
Psalms 23:1-4 NIV
when i accepted the Lord as my one and only savior. my life changed. he gave me strength when i was weak. he gave me faith when i felt fear. he put unconditional love and replaced my broken heart. and he blessed me with INTERNAL peace that reminded me of his ETERNAL LOVE FOR ME.
i grew up in churches my entire life. i can always remember Sundays “we’re the lord’s day” and that’s just how it was. i knew nothing else. as i got older and my horizons were broadened to different doctrines. i always felt a pull towards the more spiritual sense of what THE HOLY SPIRIT engulfs. i was naturally always drawn to religion but knew that my calling wasn’t just the black and white of what we are told to believe in organized churches. my curiosity was always drawn to a belief that wasn’t taught in these denominations.
my quest to find my spirituality never left me. even in my darkest days i carried with me and with great conviction that i was GOD’s CHILD. i was lost, nonetheless. but what he put in my heart at a young age. would only engulf in me a flame that could never be put out.
the day i began to heal myself was a long time coming but it was his belief in me that made me persevere. the road i had ahead of me was not easy. boy did i pray and i read scripture everyday. what grew in me was a will power that got stronger the more i practiced what i preached.
i knew that i had to do this alone. this was the only way. i had a habit of being co-dependent. constantly seeking love in lovers and friends, hoping that their love could save ME. I NEEDED TO SAVE MYSELF!! i needed to stand on my own and fight for MY LIFE. because for way too long i was merely surviving, swinging at the air.
i started intense therapy and found a therapist who specialized in what was causing my self destructive behaviors. everyday i saw a therapist for over 3 months straight. an hour everyday. the tears i cried could fill buckets. it was the most therapeutic to be able to get it all out and not be judged or coddled. it changed my life. from those days on. i would use my pain as strength. so i could fight my demons head on and never look back.
the beginning was hard, i struggled but i stayed the course. i knew i deserved this life of freedom. i couldn’t let my child hood trauma hold me back any more than it was and had. i was only hurting myself and my eyes were open to now see that. YES, i was a victim but i did not have to live my life as one. everyday i was blessed to wake up and face my guilt and shame. was another day behind me and another day to look forward too. i was no longer a victim.
the more i cleared my mind by staying still. being able to be in silence with all my darkness, all my dirt, without wanting to mute the noise. the stronger i became.i made peace with it all and choose the LIFE i wanted to live.the more peaceful i felt internally. the focus had to be on me and my healing. the persistence in me grew and before i knew it, i was no longer swinging at the air. my demons were losing their power. one by one. suddenly, i became wiser.
if it was EASY, everyone would do it. that always stayed with me and still does. it’s a sentiment that ONLY THE STRONG SURVIVE. i never realized how strong i really was. i knew i had it in me but i needed to BELIEVE IT!!
the second my mind grasped this powerful concept of believing what i already knew was in me, i was LIMITLESS. i was UNSTOPPABLE. i was moving mountains the size of boulders out of my way.
that is when i realized. i didn’t need anyone to define me. the definition was in myself. i didn’t need anyone to validate me. the validation was in myself. i did not need to seek the answers to my questions and problems in anyone or anything. all the ANSWERS WERE ALWAYS WITHIN ME. my self worth and how i saw myself was erased. i was SPIRITUALLY REBORN.
i want this for everyone who is lost or fighting a storm they can’t whether. if you feel a struggle or you are constantly stuck in a cycle of energy that sucks you dry and leaves you feeling hopeless. i urge you to seek The Creators help. i urge you to talk with a therapist. i urge you to take the steps to better yourself and unlock these unhealthy destructive behaviors that have hindered your spirit, heart and body into thinking this is the way your life will always be. or thinking that they way you feel is way deserved.
NO!!! 👎we all deserve internal peace and a heart filled with unconditional love. we all have this choice to change our lives. to flip the script and edit the past chapters that need rewriting. acknowledge the pain and hurt. process it. realize you can’t change it. it already happened. it’s a serious of events that divinely brought you to exactly where you are right this second. the past can not be changed. but YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR FUTURE.
replaying scenarios of what the past did and didn’t do will only cause confusion and disable you physically and mentally from ever moving forward. release it all and never look back. YOU DESERVE IT. WE ALL DESERVE IT.
this is not to say that your life will be perfect from here on out. it just means you no longer have a victim mentality so when those demons try and show their ugly heads. you’re equipped with SURVIVOR skills in your arsenal to slay for days. from that day forward anything you face head on will be a small speed bump. they can stop you for a minute or two but your will never be lost. because you have the best GPS money can buy.
I BELIEVE IN YOU
and now it’s your turn to do the same.
with every fiber in my being and all the unconditional love that pours out of my heart.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE. GOD LOVES YOU AND I LOVE YOU ❤️💕 🤟
dear 📔 diary,ᵗᵒ ʷʰᵒᵐ ⁱᵗ ᵐᵃʸ ᶜᵒⁿᶜᵉʳⁿ:…. 